Crabwalking in Suburbia

by Lian on January 31, 2010

Please forgive me if I am typing slowly. Every muscle in my body hurts, thanks to another Sizzling Saturday class at my gym. Every Saturday this month, my gym here in Pasadena has been trying out a new, fresh exercise class. And, in the spirit of my New Year To Do List item to Let’er Rip, I’ve tried’em all. Skinny Jeans Work Out, Salsa Hip Hop, Full Throttle Workout and yesterday’s banally- named Parkour Power Play.

Oh, Power Play! That sounds like fun, I thought. Had I read the course description a little more closely, I would have seen that the class was being lead by “Top Athletes of the FreeRunning and Parkour Federation.” Me and “Top Athletes” — not my usual workout partners. And I never been associated with any athletic federation, except the Federation of Ski Racing Cocktail Waitresses and Bartenders in the late 80′s.

If you are wondering what FreeRunning and Parkour mean, think criminals being chased through an environment that includes leaping of buildings, vaulting over walls, sliding down steep hillsides and crawling under fences. ( Soon to be an MTV reality competition, I kid you not, starring our instructors. Check out their reel on You Tube.  The Lost Boys Family.  )  That was pretty much the class, except we were accompanying by Jay-Z and inside the gym’s fishbowl classroom being watched by middle-aged treadmill kings.

Holy Cow, maybe I should have bailed when the warm-up including crabwalking and crawling our forearms.  But no, I stayed for the leaping, the bounding, the vaulting, and some maneuver that included the word “quadra-ped.” The  low moment came right after the warm up, when the Top Athlete instructed me and the other soccer moms and accountant dads on “precision jumping.”  Now, I’m a gal who has many talents, but jumping with two feet is not one of them. I have no vertical and even less horizontal. For those of you old enough to remember the Standing Broad Jump portion of the Presidential Physical Fitness Test, let us share a moment of silence for my lost dignity. Thank you.

But, I have to tell you, by the end of class, I was on-board. Maybe because it was actually fun! Once the room full of weekend warriors got over our initial terror, we started to laugh, cheer for our fellow classmates and take to heart the message of our Top Athlete instructors: You use to do all this stuff as a kid. Why did you stop?

Yeah, why did I stop crabwalking?

And when our Top Athlete told us the skills we were perfecting could help us boulder a river or out-run a lava flow, I believed him. Because you never know when you are going to need to out-run a lava flow.

Even in suburbia.

Embracing my Chaos, Lian



Christine P February 2, 2010 at 5:49 PM

I, too have started ‘working out’. It feels like my trainer used my legs as shark bait and FYI ‘falling backwards onto the toilet seat’ because your quads are no longer functioning to lower you down like a lady is very scary (akin to bungee jumping maybe) however, it still seems to be quite humorous to the husband, who is still laughing (this happened last week).

Mainer February 1, 2010 at 10:52 AM

Thanks for the laugh. I bet your husband and boys (and sisters) would have love to have seen that.

Cyndi February 1, 2010 at 9:26 AM

What ?!?! That is an unbelievable workout there Lian! Bravo!

So glad to see you getting to the gym and then some! Thanks for the inspiration. I’ve been back on track and it gets easier every time. Don’t know that my gym would offer such a challenge, but if they did, I might be curious …. !

Lian February 1, 2010 at 9:19 AM

Amy– That is. I think we are all one round-off away from traction. Or a bad case of plantar facitis.

BTW– still hurting, 48 hours later! Lian

Amy D February 1, 2010 at 8:37 AM

I don’t know how you do those exercises. Several years ago I demonstrated a forward roll for my kids and then I felt sick for several hours. Last year I did or should I say tried to do a cart wheel, that WAS the last one of those I’ll do during my lifetime. When I spent some time doing jump rope rhymes with my girls last year, I ended up with plantar fasciitis. I’m 44yrs old and I thought I’d feel a little better at this age that I do.

Kami February 1, 2010 at 7:30 AM

Oh, the Presidential Physical Fitness tests. The one that got me was the baseball throw (or was it softball?) They put the measuring tape 50′ out, and I could never throw as far as the start of the measuring tape. I still remember the embarrassment.
I was killer on that shuttle run, though.
Glad you enjoyed the class! I’m still loving my Zumba, and my fellow Zumba ladies.

michelle waite January 31, 2010 at 7:31 PM

I have to say that jumping with two feet might be easier than some of the combinations they have us do in ballet switching feet and such. I find that any workout that uses muscles not used on a daily basis causes pain. I like to crab walk in the shallow part of the pool when I am there with my kids. I can get around quickly and I don’t have to stand up. The water helps me move and I doubt it counts as any kind of workout.

t3zoo January 31, 2010 at 4:53 PM

You. Are. My. Idol.

kbradcliffe January 31, 2010 at 1:29 PM

Why did we stop doing that kind of fun stuff? Jump roping, crabwalking, etc. still get me to smile, and if I get a work out in the process…hallelujah. Good for you, Lian, for trying and doing new stuff. Me, a half marathon. Slow as I may be, I am determined, as it seems you are. Bravo!

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