Parenting Book Give-Away: If I Have to Tell You One More Time

Over the next few weeks of the Back to School season, I’ll be posting a series of special blogs to get you  (Mom and Dad!) back to school. Today’s post is a Q &A with Amy McCready, author of “If I Have To Tell You One More Time,” a new parenting book that uses Amy’s Positive Parenting Approach. I read an advanced copy and was really impressed with Amy’s well-developed approach combines information and intuition in a completely accessible manner.

I love that parenting expert Amy McCready describes herself as a  “recovering yeller” .  Amy is the Founder of Positive Parenting Solutions.   She is a champion of positive parenting techniques for happier families and well-behaved kids.  Amy is a frequent guest on the Today show and has also appeared on Rachael Ray, CNN, Fox & Friends, MSNBC, and elsewhere.  In her most important role, she plays mom to two teenage sons.

Once you’re read the post, leave a comment and be entered to win a copy of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… ! I’d love to know where your family routine could use a little Positivity.

Lian: Can you briefly describe your Positive Parenting Approach? Amy: One of our main tenets of Positive Parenting Solutions is that when kids misbehave, there’s always a reason! Drawing from the underpinnings of Adlerian Psychology, our approach recognizes that kids have an inherent, hard-wired need for an emotional connection, attention and personal power (having some control over their own world). Kids act up—albeit unknowingly—to achieve these needs if they’re not met in positive ways. Through our program, we empower parents of toddlers to teens to understand why their kids misbehave in the first place and give them step-by-step Toolbox solutions to correct misbehavior without nagging, reminding or yelling – with the ultimate goal of raising capable, confident, resilient children.

You promise “parenting peace” instead of “parenting stress.” That sounds delightful! But implementing the Positive Parenting program is going to take a little bit of focused effort on the part of mom and dad isn’t it? Parenting peace is something all parents envision before they have kids.  But eventually reality sets in and most parents wonder if they’ll ever be able to catch their breath as they battle one power struggle after another.  Fortunately, achieving parenting peace is absolutely do-able with the right strategies, and the right expectations. Yes, parents will still have work to do, but with the right strategies and tools they can minimize misbehavior in general, plus they’ll always know exactly how to address any problem that comes up. Removing the guesswork from parenting certainly does a lot for peace of mind! In If I Have to Tell You One More Time… parents learn 23 tools with step-by-step instructions so they’re easy to implement. They’ll also learn how their own responses can actually escalate misbehavior, but will soon be able to confidently diffuse power struggles, increase cooperation and cut out annoying behaviors like whining, not listening and more. And while each tool will take some effort on the part of the parents, after a few times they’ll become second nature—especially after parents see the results they offer.
What’s the pay-off for all that work? The pay-off is well worth it!  As parents implement the tools in the book, they’ll be faced with fewer of the negative behaviors that create family stress like whining, tantrums, backtalk and sibling fighting, and will enjoy more of the positive behaviors—the ones that give us parenting peace—like cooperation, responsibility, family teamwork and respect.

It’s back to school time and for some parents (please note my hand is raised) it’s a good news/bad news scenario. The summer feels so stress-free because there are fewer issues to take us down: homework; packed schedules; social invitations. Now, as a family, we all have to gear up again for the grind. Any advice to get ready for the first few weeks of school? Many parents end up in a nag-fest every morning – reminding and nagging and sometimes yelling – to get their kids to get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth and any number of other tasks before the bus arrives.  But not this school year!  A few simple strategies will help parents get kids out the door on time with everyone feeling good about the process.

The most important strategy to tame morning mania is a When-Then Routine.  The When-Then Routine is structured so all the yucky stuff – all of the things you have to remind your kids about every day– happens before the fun stuff – like breakfast or TV time or playtime.

Your When-Then Routine may sound like, “When you’re dressed, your bed is made, your hair is combed, and your backpack and lunch box are by the door, then, breakfast will be served.  But remember, the kitchen closes at 7:15 so we have time to get to the bus!”

Review the When-Then Routine with your kids before the school year starts to get their buy-in and so they’ll know what to expect on the first day.  If your kids are already in school, discuss the new When-Then Routine over the weekend so you can get everyone on board.  I recommend a dry run to practice the routine from start to finish and see where you may need more time or have to tweak the routine.  Once you decide on a routine, give each of your kids a clipboard with the routines listed in words or pictures and let them “manage” their own morning routine – without any reminders from you!  Ahhhh!

Your When-Then Routine will most likely execute flawlessly, but if one of your kids shows up for breakfast in their PJ’s with their hair a mess, just smile and calmly say, “When you’re done with your morning routine, then we’ll have breakfast.  And then go about your business.  There’s nothing to discuss.  When-Then Routines take Mom and Dad out of the reminding business and create happy and orderly routines for everyone.

I can hear parents groaning when they think about homework. And I’m sure we’ve all heard the same advice for setting up kids with a routine for doing homework. Still, yelling happens! Any new insight on getting homework done stress-free? We’ve been told for years to set up routines for homework.  But just having a routine doesn’t mean it’s going to be successful or sustainable.  The When-Then Routine concept, when applied to homework, is both effective and enduring. The premise is the same – the yucky stuff must be done before the enjoyable activities of the day.  For example, you can tell your kids, “When your homework is completely finished, then you can go outside and play (or, enjoy TV time, texting, the computer, etc.).”  If your child plays sports, your When-Then routine may be, “When your homework is done, then we’ll leave for soccer practice.”  If he dilly-dallies through the homework, he may be late for soccer—but you can bet that the logical consequence of having to explain to his coach why he’s late (and run a few extra laps) will ensure he works through his homework more efficiently next time.
And I personally need some assistance with the summer reading frenzy that occurs in my house the last week before school.  One week to go; three books to read. Why, Amy, why is it like this every year for me? You’re not alone.  Most parents and kids scramble at the end of summer vacation to make sure the summer reading assignments are complete. While it may be too late to salvage the rest of this summer, make a note in your calendar to remind yourself next June to incorporate When-Then routines into your daily summer schedule.  “When your 30 minutes of reading is done and your family jobs are complete, then you can enjoy your TV time (or another activity your child enjoys).  The routine is the same every day, so there’s no need to nag or remind—the routine is the boss. Not only will your kids will feel a sense of accomplishment in finishing the assignments long before the due date, they’ll learn important lessons about long-term planning along the way.

Thanks, Amy! Like the answers? Then leave a comment to win a copy of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… Or click here to order your copy of If I Have to Tell You More Time .

PAY IT FORWARD PARENTING:  Help yourself and help a deserving military family. For each copy of If I Have to Tell You One More Time… sold until August 30^th, Amy McCready, in partnership with Blue Star Families, will donate Positive Parenting Solutions Online training to military moms and dads who sacrifice every day to protect our country.  Learn more about the Pay It Forward Parenting program and how your book purchase makes a difference!

Related Links:

Check out Lian Dolan’s videos and advice for Back to School at makinglifebetter.com .

Tagged as: advice, advice for moms, Amy McCready, back to school, book give-away, Positive Parenting Solutions