Two cavities to fill means plenty of time to read the fantastic magazine collection at the dentist’s office. Fortunately, I’m not the patient today. Unfortunately, my son seems to have inherited my bad teeth. But as long as there’s People Magazine, Outside Magazine and Real Simple, life can still be good. Here’s what I learned today:
It’s impossible for Jennifer Lopez to look bad. The same can’t be said of Marc Anthony, whose unfortunate Marc Anthony Collection is now available at Kohls.
People Magazines asks the provocative question: Have Toddler Beauty Pageants gone too far? I don’t have to read the article. The answer is, “Yes.”
But I did read the article and have confirmed my long-held position that Pretty Woman is the Most Dangerous Movie Ever Made. You need proof? Some pageant mom dressed her 3 year-old daughter up as a Julia Roberts-inspired hooker. There’s a feel-good photo.
And don’t even get me started on the regular spray-on tans for four year-olds.
Outside Magazine still produces some of the best writing out there. See this month’s issue for proof, like the interview with Jim Harrison.
But People Magazine can work some magic on the heartstrings, like the piece on the Memphis Three after their release from prison.
Outside will never, ever name Pasadena as one of the Best Towns to Live. That’s okay, Outside. I understand. You want people to be able to breathe in their hometowns. This year’s top town is Chattanooga, Tennessee.
Yes, of course Portland ,Oregon makes the list for the umpteenth time. Portland is to Outside Magazine’s Best Town issue as the John Stewart Show is to the Best Writing Emmy: they win every year.
According to Real Simple, the color of the season is Teal. I thought that was the color of last season. Seriously. How much more teal does anyone need in there wardrobe? One teal piece is enough and we all bought it last year.
Prediction: Kate Gosselin’s older daughter will be starring in a Disney Channel Show by Fall 2012 because the whole cover story in People was pretty much an audition.
I find the recipes in People Magazine disconcerting. Has anyone ever made one, like “Amy Poehler’s Strawberry Shortcakes?”
Sinead O’Connor looks nothing like Sinead O’Connor.
Real Simple tells me I need to work some more “quirky vignettes” and “unexpected juxtapositions” into my home decor so as to “delight my guests.” Or, I could simply get a LOT of candles and employ low-lighting to obscure the dated paint job and to confuse my guests.
According to Real Simple, I should be saving 10% of my pretax income for retirement. There goes my magazine budget.
Embracing my Chaos, Lian
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