Random Thoughts from the Dentist’s Waiting Room

by Lian on September 26, 2011

Two cavities to fill means plenty of time to read the fantastic magazine collection at the dentist’s office. Fortunately, I’m not the patient today. Unfortunately, my son seems to have inherited my bad teeth. But as long as there’s People Magazine, Outside Magazine and Real Simple,  life can still be good. Here’s what I learned today:

It’s impossible for Jennifer Lopez to look bad. The same can’t be said of Marc  Anthony, whose unfortunate Marc Anthony Collection is now available at Kohls.

People Magazines asks the provocative question: Have Toddler Beauty Pageants gone too far? I don’t have to read the article. The answer is, “Yes.”

But I did read the article and have confirmed my long-held position that Pretty Woman is the Most Dangerous Movie Ever Made. You need proof? Some pageant mom dressed her 3 year-old daughter up as a Julia Roberts-inspired hooker. There’s a feel-good photo.

And don’t even get me started on the regular spray-on tans for four year-olds.

Outside Magazine still produces some of the best writing out there. See this month’s issue for proof, like the interview with Jim Harrison.

But People Magazine can work some magic on the heartstrings, like the piece on the Memphis  Three after their release from prison.

Outside will never, ever name Pasadena as one of the Best Towns to Live. That’s okay, Outside. I understand. You want people to be able to breathe in their hometowns. This year’s top town is Chattanooga, Tennessee.

Yes, of course Portland ,Oregon makes the list for the umpteenth time. Portland is to Outside Magazine’s Best Town issue as the John Stewart Show is to the Best Writing Emmy: they win every year.

According to Real Simple, the color of the season is Teal. I thought that was the color of last season. Seriously. How much more teal does anyone need in there wardrobe? One teal piece is enough and we all bought it last year.

Prediction: Kate Gosselin’s older daughter will be starring in a Disney Channel Show by Fall 2012 because the whole cover story in People was pretty much an audition.

I find the recipes in People Magazine disconcerting. Has anyone ever made one, like “Amy Poehler’s Strawberry Shortcakes?”

According to People Magazine, this is Sinead O'Connor. I don't believe them.

Sinead O’Connor looks nothing like Sinead O’Connor.

Real Simple tells me I need to work some more “quirky vignettes” and “unexpected juxtapositions”  into my home decor so as to “delight my guests.” Or, I could simply get a LOT  of candles and employ low-lighting to obscure the dated paint job and to confuse my guests.

According to Real Simple, I should be saving 10% of my pretax income for retirement. There goes my magazine budget.

Embracing my Chaos, Lian

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{ 9 comments }

PAT SEAGER September 30, 2011 at 3:33 PM

no kidding – the recipe from People (from a couple months back) for Hugh Jackman’s fried rice is great – comparable to the best Oriental restaurants around here. it has ginger, leeks……..yum!

Beckett September 29, 2011 at 4:51 PM

I am all about the quirky vignettes… but it seems odd that a magazine named “Real Simple” would agree with this. Seems too messy or complicated to fit into their “simplicity” concept!

Snoopy Cape Cod September 28, 2011 at 5:44 AM

I was at the doctor’s office last week where I was reading a nice fall-themed magazine. I was half way through the magazine when I realized it was last year’s fall issue. Then I got to thinking–how many people, or rather patients, have handled this magazine in the last year? Not to be gross, but I put down the magazine and grabbed a hand sanitizer!

ann September 27, 2011 at 11:34 AM

Keep ‘em coming… you all do such a great job at such Concepts… can’t tell you how much I, for one appreciate all you do!

Kristin September 27, 2011 at 4:40 AM

I can embrace some teal and do, but not sure I would combine with other colors as Real Simple did. Because we had mileage points to use or lose, my husband ordered People for me. It is both despicable what I read there, and inspiring. And I don’t have to go to the dentist! Although between my two kids, as the dentist informed me yesterday, I will spend hours in orthodontics….UGH!~

AO September 27, 2011 at 4:30 AM

Did you notice that you were the only one reading the magazines? I have no problem getting my mag of choice in office waiting rooms these days because everyone else is fixated on their phone. When did waiting room reading become an anachronism?

chris d. September 26, 2011 at 6:09 PM

teal??? really ?? up here in the north, we are saying gray…hmmm..you probably won’t hear anything about the square bulky faux fur vests that are being touted as the one item to have this yr….for me..NOT.
I do use teal in my house….its wonderful and hope to keep it for a long time.

Cyndi September 26, 2011 at 4:59 PM

Thanks for the laughs Lian – I needed it today! Everything but the toddlers in tiaras issue – I did a double take when I saw the cover the other day – so sad.

I love teal, but now that I know it’s the color of the season (or last?), I may need to find a new color …

Kathy in Atlanta September 26, 2011 at 2:31 PM

Lian, cannot wait to see you and Sheila’s killer stand-up 15 on Youtube!!! ..

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